Check out G&STC director, Jesse Kahn, talking with HuffPost Relationships about 7 sex tips for couples looking to get kinkier in the new year!
A few additional tips:
Plan the types of sex you want to have or try. In movies (and in many people's fantasies), sex happens in an instant, but spontaneous sex isn’t the only way to keep your sex life exciting. I love writing and exploring what we can learn from different communities, and this tip is a great example of what kink and BDSM communities can teach vanilla folks. Putting time and energy into planning the type of sex you want to have can shift what your sex is like, can help create different types of sexual experiences, can help shift your sex life towards the sex life you want, and can build anticipation. By focusing on the “what” and “how” rather than the “when” of sex, we can remove some of the pressure associated with sex and make something that took a lot of communication and planning seem more spontaneous. (P.S-Spontaneous sex, what many cite as how their sex was early on, is in many ways an illusion, and was more planned and intentional than our memories recall.)
Actively stay curious about you and your partner's sexuality and desires.Many find comfort in routine and stability, but unfortunately, that's not where eroticism thrives. Luckily, just as we continue growing and evolving, so do our desires. When thinking about great sex, first re-focus on eroticism and ask yourself what turns you on, makes you feel pleasure, or makes you feel desired. Then ask your partners! Try out, or revisit, yes/no/maybe lists. This is a list of sexual activities, and you can categorize them based on what you’d like to try (yes), what you would not like to try (no), and what you aren’t sure about (maybe). These lists are commonly used in kinky spaces, but can be applied to any type of relationship.